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How Rape-able Are You? PART II

16 Jan

Rape newI know no other girl as bubbly, warm and smart as my Senegalese friend Celine. Small wonder we became good friends after just one semester in Legon. Recently she was in Ghana on a work-related visit, so we met up for lunch. It had been so long since I last saw her, so our conversation transgressed all topics, till something about sexuality came up.

“I’m not a virgin” she said casually as she tore off a slice of the four-seasons pizza we’d been enjoying (it was terrific Tuesday). “Really?” The naughty in me couldn’t hold back the urge to hear the details.

“I was raped.”

I cringed, blinked sporadically and felt my tongue grow thick and cold. For the first time in the six years I’ve known her, she had me utterly agape with the story she told me.

“Senegal is a lot different from Ghana. I started working in a bank when I was 17. I got the job because I was fluent in French, and multi-linguals were on high demand; irrespective of age. I looked up from my desk one Wednesday afternoon to find a gorgeous, not-really-tall, but innocent looking heart throb standing there in need of some help. We became friends easily. We started talking from time to time and met up once or twice. I should have suspected he had other interests, but mah-myy, the guy looked so angelic.

A large part of Senegal has no reliable electricity, so 80% of those who can afford it fully rely on generators. One time, I forgot to get diesel for our generator and my brother and folks were out. It was so dark I couldn’t even see my hand when I stretched it. The pitch-black darkness had me feeling very uneasy, so when my phone rang and it was this cutie on the line, I was strangely delighted. I told him about the scary darkness and how kinda scared I was. He told me not to worry at all, and that he was in the neighborhood, so he’ll come for me and send me to his end, where there was light.

I was delighted and thought how great a friend he was. He did come for me, and he did send me to his house. It was just us. That was the last night of an 18-year virginity. I swear I didn’t see it coming. As if the rape wasn’t good enough, he verbally abused me. He didn’t need threats to keep my mouth shut, the humiliation, stigma and the feeling that I’m probably to blame did the job for him. Two years later he bumps to me in the middle of the street, kneels down in tears and begs for forgiveness. Imagine that!! Since then, I’m even more wary of the innocent-looking ones.”

I looked at Celine with mixed emotions; rage especially. I was angry on her behalf. But it was pointless; her talking about it was proof that she’d finally gotten over it…6 years later, after feeling so dirty and unworthy of any decent guy.

So now to the real crux of this post; first aid responses to a potential rape situation. This essentially depends on the guy standing before you though.

rape2If he is a newbie, someone you know already, but who’s too horny or drunk on a certain night.

It’s not always smart to be gidigidi, sometimes a calm and controlled response from you could turn him off quicker than he got turned on. I have a friend -Maame, who’s a master of this response.

Unannounced, some guy starts groping her, and reaching for her lips. She just stood there cold, like a log with the most disgusted look on her face (not frightened). She looked at him like how a mother would look at her 12-year old son she’s caught watching porn.

When for a brief second he caught the look in her eyes, she turned and spat on the floor. “Are you done?” she asked him. The way she asked it, the tone and the wording, it psychologically overpowered him. It was like finding out that the girl you thought was hot and vulnerable is actually your mother’s elder sister. Usually guys who this’ll work on are the ones who mistakenly think that by forcefully initiating a make-out, your initial protest will turn into unbridled passion. For those guys, you’ve got to find a way to overpower them psychologically. Their lust is fueled by the impression of you as a Read the rest of this entry »

 
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How Rape-able Are You?

14 Jan

RAPE1Many of the girls you’re friends with have either been raped before or have had a close encounter with it. Some barbaric, out-of-control dude whose gray matter resides not in his head, but has been liquidized and deposited in his testes has taken liberties with so many of our girlfriends. I think it’s serious. Seriously sad.

The ambitious thing I’m going to try to do -based on stories heard and articles read- is to put myself in a rapists mind and evaluate you. I’m hoping that in knowing how ‘rapeable’ you are and adding to the few suggestions I’ll make you’ll never be a victim of even a near-rape experience.

I have many friends who have been in rape situations, a few narrowly escaped it. You know what’s amazing? the culprits weren’t random strangers o, they were friends. Point number one is; watch out for the strange Psychos, but watch your guy friends even more, especially the ones you’ve turned down before.

By the time a guy’s willing to defy all common sense and steal your flower (as Monica in F.R.I.E.N.D.S will put it), he has mentally undressed you a couple of times, probably fantacized and masturbated with the images of you in his mind. Having sex with his visual images of you has gotten boring. The several semi-nude photos of you he downloaded from face book have Read the rest of this entry »

 
 

My Christmas Confessions.

09 Jan

me to useWhy don’t we fill ourselves in on what’s been buzzing since we last talked? I’ll start. My best friend and housemate got married to his longtime sweetheart, which meant one of us had to move out. Since it was his dad’s house we’d been sharing for the past couple of years, the issue of who to move didn’t need to go to court.

It was a beautiful purple and gold wedding at a pristine park and yours truly was best man proper. ‘Prince Collection’ generously offered to suit-up the groom and me I, which is it? When I finally got my suit the night before the wedding, it was the only black one they had in stock and three sizes smaller! An expensive suit three sizes smaller, the night before the wedding, and I was too broke to go shopping. I lost appetite. All of it. I wished I could accumulate two months of gymming and dieting in one night. Never more had I envied the bodies of carpenters and masons.  Miraculously, I looked good it looked good on me the following day. Only thing was I couldn’t button the jacket. As you can see, it’s not like I’m fat too o, just blessed.

O then we got two weeks off work and goats for Christmas. That was delicious! I had it at my new apartment, which you should come check out some time, like seriously. I also went to this party Gunshotmy friend TT held for the kids of area squatters. Herh! There are no kids in Ghana these days o. I also learned that I had anger and jealousy potential. Then I learned how to keep them in check. I watched Breaking Bad like I was being paid to. That Walter White guy is on point!

Honestly though, I think the best thing I did this entire break was attending a prayer camp meeting my church organized. I am not a prayer warrior. Not even a prayer ball boy, so two days at a chain-prayer meeting was unprecedented, but I’d been very keen on attending. I mean, isn’t a fool the man who does the same thing in the same way over again, then expects a different result? Because of the kind of results I’m expecting this year nu, I doubt last year’s fuel will suffice.

As people seriously prayed, I fantasized my Read the rest of this entry »

 
 

The Price Of An Erection. Part 2 -Rated 28

16 Dec

priceGuy 2 (laughing heartily) “Honestly man, I didn’t know you could go through such rubbish and still smell so good, anyways, allow me to steal the show and tell you how much an erection(s) actually cost.

You were all there when I got the Kenya Master’s Scholarship. 7 other Ghanaians got it too, 4 of whom were girls, 1 of whom was Sabina, the one because of whom the thought of sex doesn’t even turn me on anymore.

There was something about how my father warned me of how such trips could bring unforeseen children that I should have taken more seriously. Back then, I thought he was saying that because of the mistakes he made that gifted me with four step brothers from two women other than my mother. I repent from that thought; it must have been a revelation!

In Kenya, all 7 of us were in the same class with other students from all over Africa. Before then, I had never really spoken with Sabina, even during undergrad studies. But foreign lands, they have a way of making good friends out of distant acquaintances.

I’d never had sex before, and I thought I stood a good chance of being a virgin till I marriage, but there’s something about being in a strange land without supervision and obligation that lures you to Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Noodles Girls Vs Italian Spaghetti Girls

13 Dec

two guys chattingOnce upon a time, my good friend (Fii) and I were having a conversation about the women we’d loved and lost from Primary school till now. All guys have that conversation at one time or the other. It usually starts like this;

Me: Chaa you won’t believe who I met at Oye’s wedding reception last Saturday!

Him: Who?

Me: Mandy, Mandy Appiah.

Then I delightfully watch the expression on his face morph into an unintelligible expression of feigned indifference.

Me: Chaa what was good, is a lot better now o. We even took a couple of pictures together. I’m telling you man, she is the one girl that if you had actually married, like hhmmn…

Him: What?

Me: Like when the reverend says “You may kiss the bride” I’ll forget myself and kiss her before realizing that I’m the best man.

Him laughing heartily: Are you serious?! Read the rest of this entry »

 
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THE PRICE OF AN ERECTION. PART I- Rated 28

10 Dec

priceQuote: An erected penis hath no conscience.

Anonymous

Recently I’ve been wondering, but I haven’t had to wonder much, because I know a couple of people who know a couple of people who have actually paid the price of an erection, or are almost done with it, so we’ll look at it through their eyes, and see if it’s a price any of us should contemplate paying.

My friend was hanging out with two close guy friends of his, and in the course of their conversation the issue of weaknesses came up. Bear in mind that all three are staunch, favored anointed men, not a bunch of secular miscreants. You might be tempted to judge, but please don’t make that mistake, just read and remember that infamous Akan proverb; “If you see your neighbor’s beard on fire, keep a bucket of water around yours at all times”

Guy 1 says “Charley, as for me, my weakness is lust o, after all I’ve been through and all it’s cost me, I find that if it’s only by grace that I stand and hope.” #imagine the whirring of a cassette as I rewind to the part when he talked about what it cost him.

“I was home when this spiritual daughter of mine said Read the rest of this entry »

 
 

Good Good Boys, Bad Bad Boys, a Girl & Her Shoes

03 Dec

Kwame Pocho’s 1000 words is synonymous to elite photography. It turns out his fingers can work more than a camera. Today, by popular request, I reproduce this peice of literary delight he wrote some time ago. I think it’s brilliant, but dont take my word for it. Find out yourself. Kwame, tell ‘em;

This poem was how I summed up a conversation I had with my beloved. She actually tried to define why girls generally like bad boys. She said it was kinda like the way girls love heels; knowing very well “you can’t walk too far with heels” but you wear them anyway cos you know they make you look elegant, or at least make you feel elevated (both literary and figuratively speaking). That conversation was so intriguing I just had to put it together, and I made a poem out of it, just for the fun of it.

Good Good Boys, Bad Bad Boys, a Girl & Her Shoes

good good girls

So she tell to me,

lemme tell to you why girls love them bad bad boys,

and don’t look at them good good boys;

She tell to me, think of boys as shoes:

***

Good good boys them like flat shoes;

them go take you far, comfortably.

 Them are safe and dependable any day, any weather, 4eva!

  Read the rest of this entry »

 
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I Wished I Was A Bad Boy!

26 Nov

casinovaI used to believe that a sexual climax would be the most intensely blissful feeling a man could ever have. I craved the kind of lifestyle where I’d have numbered Swiss accounts, friends in the corridor of immense power and a terrific physique. Those, to me were the definition of la dolce vita (the good life). For a long time I desired them above all else. It’s likely that if I’d been offered them, with salvation-compromising strings attached, I might still have signed up.

Another thing; I thought the luckiest man in the Bible was the thief to the right of Jesus’ cross. The one to whom He said Today, you shall be with me in paradise.” I thought “Wow! A life of orgies, adrenaline rushes, ruthlessly acquired wealth, grossly misused power and on the verge of death, I get a free ticket to Heaven? Could anything beat that? The best of both worlds.” If I ever wished to know the exact date of the second coming, it wasn’t so that I could intensify the aggression with which I went about my father’s business, no! It was so that if I strayed away, I could clean up my act the day before Jesus returned.

Men who got to repent on their death beds seemed like such outsmarters of spiritual and moral justice. I felt it was a cheat to the rest of us who went out of our ways to lead chaste lives, to men like Joseph who flee from the luscious delectable supple bodies of women like Portipher’s wife only to end up in the same after-life destination as the thief on the cross. A prostitute like Rahab, has her name in the most important book of all time though she spent more time sleeping with men for money than she did serving God. What a waste!

Last Saturday, I was shaken out of that thinking, I’ll tell you how.   Read the rest of this entry »

 

The Glory Of A Nigerian Heritage! compared to yours.

19 Nov
African god

Credit: James C. Lewis

There’s something striking about Nigerian culture; the way a person is named and the pride that comes with a legendary heritage.  It’s drop. Dead. Awesome! A man is announced as Olokun, son of Agayu, grandson of D’banj (sorry, I run out names), from the house of Orin. It’s so grand. Identity has never felt more glamorous.

You just imagine coming from a house of legendary warriors, where your grandfather at 92 has a blind eye to show off from his battle with the giant from Abuja. His childhood stories are what Action films are made of and he still has 18 well-serviced wives and a waist fit enough to dance the Alkayida (dance oo, not movement!).

Your own father is decorated warrior with 7 ghastly scars across his back and chest; each for a warrior-king from the Northern Kingdoms. His speech is laced with more wisdom than whiskey is with alcohol. He has the stature of a glorious statue and the history of an African Hercules. In his palatial hut, a dried lion’s skull hangs on a wall; it was the present he brought his father when he was 17. Common mortals issue threats in his name and their pursuers shudder.

When he speaks, he booms and you look around for where the surround system must be hidden. When he rests his massive hands on your shoulder and calls you “Son!” the pride that swells in you could flood a dam; if only his hands didn’t weigh a ton! He calls upon his youngest wife and you go like Read the rest of this entry »

 

I’m Leaving You Today.

15 Nov

People don’t just up-and-leave. He cant just turn from sweet to sour in the flash of an eye. She didn’t turn from mushy to cold in one breath. Usually, it’s a slow fade. She does get you, she’s been getting you all this while, but even ‘get’ ends at ‘t’. Even bins get full and take no more, so there comes a day when enough is enough. If there’s something you need to stop doing that you haven’t. If there’s something you should be doing that you aren’t, you’ve got to. Today. Before you get a facebook message that reads like this!

 

I’m Leaving Today.

leaving 2

I’m leaving today, you wont return to meet me.

My suitcases were packed weeks ago,

I just never had the guts to pick them.

I might leave them after all,

I’m not taking any baggage from this life.

*   *   *

It was sweet at start then turned bitter-sweet

All it is now is sheer bitterness

I’d like to say it wasn’t you, that it was me

But that’s another baggage I’m not taking with me

Read the rest of this entry »

 
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