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Posts Tagged ‘ben anyan’

My Christmas Confessions.

09 Jan

me to useWhy don’t we fill ourselves in on what’s been buzzing since we last talked? I’ll start. My best friend and housemate got married to his longtime sweetheart, which meant one of us had to move out. Since it was his dad’s house we’d been sharing for the past couple of years, the issue of who to move didn’t need to go to court.

It was a beautiful purple and gold wedding at a pristine park and yours truly was best man proper. ‘Prince Collection’ generously offered to suit-up the groom and me I, which is it? When I finally got my suit the night before the wedding, it was the only black one they had in stock and three sizes smaller! An expensive suit three sizes smaller, the night before the wedding, and I was too broke to go shopping. I lost appetite. All of it. I wished I could accumulate two months of gymming and dieting in one night. Never more had I envied the bodies of carpenters and masons.  Miraculously, I looked good it looked good on me the following day. Only thing was I couldn’t button the jacket. As you can see, it’s not like I’m fat too o, just blessed.

O then we got two weeks off work and goats for Christmas. That was delicious! I had it at my new apartment, which you should come check out some time, like seriously. I also went to this party Gunshotmy friend TT held for the kids of area squatters. Herh! There are no kids in Ghana these days o. I also learned that I had anger and jealousy potential. Then I learned how to keep them in check. I watched Breaking Bad like I was being paid to. That Walter White guy is on point!

Honestly though, I think the best thing I did this entire break was attending a prayer camp meeting my church organized. I am not a prayer warrior. Not even a prayer ball boy, so two days at a chain-prayer meeting was unprecedented, but I’d been very keen on attending. I mean, isn’t a fool the man who does the same thing in the same way over again, then expects a different result? Because of the kind of results I’m expecting this year nu, I doubt last year’s fuel will suffice.

As people seriously prayed, I fantasized my Read the rest of this entry »

 
 

5 Inches of Cleavage & a Rosary.

21 Oct

5 inchyBehold, I lifteth up mine eyes after a heated ‘Father Forgive my sins’ session, and there coming from my extreme right was one adorned in a garment that covered her completely, but only from waist downward. Waist upwards was a nearly naked story. The cut at her back went so low I counted twelve spinal columns, only four remained hidden. The sparse clothing upwards allowed her hefty bosom to give me a five-inch smile. And there, nestled between those two outdoored twins was a symbol of Calvary.

Who? Who was there to save the Savior? Certainly not me, because moments after I had to repeat my ‘Father Forgive my sins’ session.

Sometimes I feel we have a misguided sense of what pleases God and what He’s cool with. We’re like the eager 5 inchhtoddler who drags his mother to come see all the Picasso-level multicolored crayon drawings he’s done on the white sitting room walls. “Mummy, mummy, you see I can draw?” he asks eagerly. Her dilemma is between murder and disinheritance. In the end she smiles weakly before reaching for a cane (I’ve just revealed to you a snippet of my childhood).We discolor and disfigure so many precious gifts from God and march into His presence with blind boldness. O forgive!!

But back to the cleavage business Read the rest of this entry »

 
2 Comments

Posted in Blog, Religion

 

The Beauty of Dreaming From A 3rd World Country

26 Sep

I have a controversial thought; they call African countries ‘3rd world countries.’ After whining about how offensive that tag feels and sounds, it’s impossible to not see any truth in it. We are behind in many things like technology, infrastructural development, GDP growth, movie making, military sophistication etc.

You can choose to dwell on the negative vibes the tag gives you. I don’t. I see such a great advantage in being in a third world country. Let me explain;

If you had the chance today, to bet a GHC 1,000 on who would win a match that was played three months back, wont you be excited about the easy cash you were about to make? I mean, you’ve watched the re runs on DSTV, read the reviews on Sports Daily, and now when you’re watching the same match again, someone offers you the chance to bet on the winner!

If you know tomorrow’s lottery numbers for sure, wouldn’t that be an advantage? My point is if we are pages (or at worst chapters) behind Europe, Asia and America, aren’t we more advantaged because of the chance to study trends and learn from their successes and failures?

They were driving blind, but being in the 3rd world, we have the hand book and can look in their rear-view mirrors before we start our cars. We can all be fortune tellers if we indulge our minds in a little reading. We have so much room to prepare ahead of time.

Take the dot-com bubble that overwhelmed Americans between 1995 and 2000 for example. It referred to the steady commercial growth of the Internet with the coming of the World Wide Web.

The period was marked by the founding (and, in many cases, spectacular failure) of a group of new Internet-based companies commonly referred to as dot-coms. Companies were seeing their stock prices shoot up if they simply added an “e-” prefix to their name and/or a “.com” to the end.

This is no history class, but people, Ghana hasn’t even gotten to the ‘dot.com bubble era’ yet. We’re quickly approaching it though. More Ghanaians are on the internet more often. More internet companies are getting formed. Telesales was recently introduced to Ghana. Copy-writing is still budding. Even blogging is only just catching on. The future is soo bright in these areas (and several others), and from what’s happened elsewhere, we don’t have much problem seeing the potholes that would have otherwise been inconspicuous.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed it, but recently Read the rest of this entry »

 
 

Who’s Waiting for You?

19 Sep

Waiting in LineI don’t know about you, but there are a couple of people I’m grateful to for the value they’ve added to my life. I still remember Dr. George, who got me my first job at the CSIR library right after high school, and many others after him. I believe in God, and his ability to use whoever he so pleases to be a blessing to whomever He so pleases, but fact is; I was waiting for each of these people-blessings to learn something new, become a better person, and appreciate something better.

Recently I had been waiting for you, yes You! I had been waiting for you to get internet access and visit goldinwords often, become a fan and comment on the stuff you like; you can’t imagine how much of a difference it makes! Because trust me, no matter how self-sufficient you are, it’s so much easier when you have people patting your back and making you know that what you’re doing makes a difference in their lives, so that explains part of why your very existence is a blessing to me. There’s a graph that illustrates the traffic on the site, it lets me know how many people have been where. So anytime you get on this site, you make the next post easier to write, because I’m aware it’s dropping a thought, putting a smile, making a difference in a life -that’s motivation enough.

But aside me, who else has been waiting for you? How many thousands of humans will stand a chance of living a good life because YOU lived yours well? Do you make decisions convenient to you alone or do you consider the generations who’ll read about you some day and get goosebumps because of the inspiration your life will bring to them? Is it possible that till this moment you’ve been very selfish, considering your drinking orgies, chain smoking or mediocre thinking? How do your habits help the rest of us waiting on you to make a difference so we too can think differently? Read the rest of this entry »

 
 

Horny Saints.

17 Sep

horny saintHot girls aren’t a 21st century phenomenon. From waaayy back in the Genesis days, chicks have been hot; women so hot that any poetic attempt to describe them will be cornier than corn flakes. Hehehe. The women were so hot that heavenly beings (Nephilims) couldn’t resist them. (Slight digression: Those heavenly beings kraa I don’t understand them o. You, these women naaa, already we don’t see the competition top.  Oyibo boys and Latino guys with names like Jose Louis, Alahandro, Malahandro, and all the other Andros from unending Tele novellas,  are fighting with us for our chicks, then you too, you come with your heavenly swag and angelic steeze so that where will all us plain looking straight guys pass?)

Hmmn, so these heavenly beings came and had unprotected sex with our hot women and they begat giants on the earth who were the great heroes and famous men of long ago. So my question is, if even heavenly beings have exhibited overzealous groins since way back then, what makes you think a Catholic priest or Charismatic brother is beyond reproach?

I have a confession to make fathers and nuns reading; Read the rest of this entry »

 
5 Comments

Posted in Blog

 

To Beautiful Women…

23 Aug

pretty girlHi pretty girl,

I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but it’s harder for you to find true love, than it is for a plain Jane. You are so hot that most of your romantic prospects pursue you for the wrong reasons. The symmetrical evenness of your bosom, along with the delicate curvature of your figure, topped by the sheer aesthetic genius of your face makes reasoning an impossible feat around you.

Jerry, Nana Kwame and all those other guys professing undiluted, undying love aren’t fooling you o, they’re acting under the duress of your gorgeousness. Sadly, it’s not a permanent state; they will awake at a point, and then reveal their true colors, then you’ll feel used.

It’s not your fault, your looks compete with your virtues, and when the lingering effect of your beauty has waned, the erstwhile cool dude changes, wondering what it was he saw in you in the first place.

Your beauty does so much for you. You don’t stress to get lifts, in fact, any time you step out there’re a range of flashy cars to choose from. It guarantees you flashy gadgets, clothes and favors plain Janes wont get even if they extended their eyelashes to touch the top of their heads. Gye se w’anka, whatever material thing you could need is just a flash away. So why are you so lonely? Is it true that there are more beautiful women with low self-esteem than there are Chinese phones for sale at Circle? Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted in Blog

 

From Us Guys, To Our Girlfriends :-(

19 Jul

boy manual 2Your boy could be with you either because you’re generous with your body, he’s too lazy to start a new relationship after half a decade of being with you, he was there when your single father died tragically, so leaving you’ll be heartless. Or because he loves you dearly and wants to spend the rest of his life with you. It is possible to work your way up to the latter.

For starters, build memories. Build beautiful memories that’ll permanently etch you in his mind, even if he wills it not to. Do silly outlandish things once in a while. In F.R.I.E.N.D.S, Monica shows up in Chandler’s apartment wearing a thanksgiving turkey on her head and dancing to an Indian song. Find out what makes him laugh and do something to induce it. If you can, do several things to induce it, because there are times when a laughter-inducing memory becomes a rare gem. With me, I love accents, so when we do role plays and I’m the Ashanti bogger introducing you as my Chinese wife to my conservative family, and you do that funny forced-Chinese accent, you could crack me up big time. It shouldn’t be as often as the day comes though, that ruins it.

Few guys wear their hearts on their sleeves, but some things really touch us. Right now, I’ll tell you one thing that’ll touch even a brick-hearted guy to the core. Read the rest of this entry »

 
2 Comments

Posted in Blog

 

Your Boyfriend’s User Manual.

12 Jul

boy manualThe guy you’re with is human. How complicated aaaaahh can he be? Keeping him is really about knowing how and when to play your cards, and that brings me to my first apor (tip); the card stash.

From the day you agree to be his girl, or he agrees to be yours (depending on which side of the world you’re reading from) both of you receive an invisible deck of cards. They’re like ‘get out of jail free’ cards, and they’re limited, so I wonder why you misuse yours so. Depending on the guy you’re with, and how crazy he was about you when you started out, you might have received a hundred or a dozen, either ways wise usage is key.

If you keep going ooon and oooonnn about something he’s already apologized for, you’ve used one, and established yourself as a nagger. If you see a suggestive text on his phone and go berserk, throw tantrums and verbally abuse him, only to find out that it was actually from his sister –who wanted advice before sending it to her boy- you’ve used five.

It surprises me when you think that just because I say I’ve forgiven you, it means I’m incapable of recollecting that one time when you disrespected me in front of my friends, given that you just repeated it. Yes baby, I forgave you, but you didn’t get your seven cards back, they’re used up! Read the rest of this entry »

 
5 Comments

Posted in Blog

 

A Cheap Excuse To Be Mediocre.

04 Jun

Last week Thursday I sat in a troskie on my way to work –cos my chopper was giving me problems. True talk. It was a 45 mins ride. The plan was to take advantage of the traffic situation by reading as many pages of Jeffrey Archer’s ‘The eleventh Commandment’ as possible before I got to work, and I just might have done that, but for these two guys in the seat ahead of mine.

For the first twenty or so minutes of the ride, I was aware that there were two people having a conversation, but I didn’t so much as shift my glance to see who they were till one of them uttered a line that ranks no. 2 on my list of forbidden sentences. In twi, guy one says to guy 2 “…If we all became professors, who’ll sweep our streets and polish our shoes for us?” reflexively I blurted “If we all became professors, we’ll be quick to invent robots who’ll more efficiently take care of our streets and shoes!!!” Well, truth is, I didn’t say that out loud, I was screaming it in my thoughts though.

From then on, I followed a conversation about how it was alright to be how they were, and how satisfied they were to play their part in the Global Division of Labor (by natural selection) Initiative (G.D.L.I). I thought how pathetic that was; that in order to save ourselves the stress of expecting more of ourselves and risk all the disappointments that might come with it, we settle for what’s just good enough and construct powerful arguments to explain why that’s the wisest thing to do. Read the rest of this entry »

 
3 Comments

Posted in Blog

 

Breached.

10 May

A committed girl finds her mind wandering further than it should, about another boy who’s supposed to be just her friend. Deep inside, she nurses the thought of being with him, but too much stands in their way. She knows how complicated emotions can make things. So amidst light flirts and ‘just kidding’ advances, the lines are well defined, the limits are clear. Then one day she wakes up, with her defenses breached.

breachedBreached.

You were supposed to be just a friend

What’s your business this side of my heart?

This was a stick and stone fight

So what’s that grenade doing in your hands?

You turned a thin line into a clean slate

And now I’m not sure, was I the catch or the bait?

You laced my days with so much of you

That your absence feels like me gone commando.

Read the rest of this entry »

 
7 Comments

Posted in Poems